Ridiculous...

I don't have much time so I want to hit on one topic very quickly.

Alexi Lalas is doing another stint as a soccer analyst for ESPN during these World Cup qualifying matches. Despite not really giving a damn about soccer, I think he's doing a fantastic job. He's well-spoken, bright, and funny from time to time. Those qualities alone give him a leg up on 90% of the other buffoons that ESPN puts on to "analyze" things for us.

But he made a curious statement today that made me think. U.S. Goalkeeper Tim Howard is back between the pipes against Spain today at 2:25 p.m. (a match that will probably result in the Spaniards being charged with manslaughter) after sitting out the Americans' win vs. Egypt. Lalas said that Howard "sat out the match for some well-deserved rest."



Some well-deserved rest...

Now I understand that U.S. Soccer team is the Memphis Grizzlies of international soccer, and Howard probably deals with more shots-on-goal than any other team in this tournament.

HOWEVER, during a 90 minute soccer match Tim Howard does not have to sprint or even jog for more than 20 yards. He spents 80% of the game standing perfectly still watching 10 other players zig-zag across the pitch, laboring after a little leather ball probably made in the sweatshops of the country that he's playing against.

Until today, I thought that A-Rod sitting out one game per week until the all-star break due to "exhaustion" was the most ridiculous case of athlete pampering I'd ever seen. And it probably still is because it has longevity. But this is probably the most absurd thing I've ever seen.

Now please. I'm by no means a soccer expert. I don't really care much for the sport except during the World Cup which is incredible. I'm barely a novice. So if Tim Howard sat out that game for some real injury that would hamper his ability to move effectively within a 10 yard area someone please let me know.

Until that time, Tim Howard is officially the captain of my "Weener Sissy All-Star Team."

Work for a non-profit instead.

I realized today that I no longer want to be what I thought I wanted to be when I grow up.

Now that I'm done with college, and I'm an "adult" by most reasonable standards, I'm supposed to know what I want to "do."

Well, I don't.

2 reasons...

(1) I'm sure that, like me, many of my fellow communication graduates from VT came in as freshman expecting to leave with their B.A. and immediately get a hot-shot job as a sports-writer/broadcaster/reporter/marketer. And like me, most of them are finding that task just shy of impossible.

It's not that these people aren't talented. In fact, I had class and worked with a ton of supremely talented people. Great people. The problem is that a very small percentage of those people are now employed in the fields that they set out to join.

Why? Well, because as people have known for a few decades now, it's not how talented you are but rather who you know. Too many idiots that I graduated with are now gainfully employed by network TV stations or top-100 market news stations because mom/dad/uncle had a connection or because they looked good in a halter top. Do I sound bitter? Jealous? That's probably because I am. It's impossible not to be.

In a field that's supposed to require creativity and real talent to succeed, it's hard to watch people prosper who have neither.

(2) I am honestly embarrassed to work as a part of the sports media. It's the same recycled garbage day in and day out. The 24 hour news cycle has irreparably ruined sports (and news for that matter). Everything and nothing is newsworthy all at the same time.

Selling oxycontin to middle schoolers is a more noble profession than being a sports reporter/writer/marketer.

Nothing is original. Even when people produce work that does show originality it can't stand out among the perpetual crap that we're exposed to daily.

Did anyone watch the post-game press conferences during the NBA Finals? What an embarrassment! For every thoughtful, legitimate question asked there were 5 more that made you cringe or laugh out loud. I'm a HUGE Lakers fan, but the best part of the series was watching Stan Van Gundy in the post-game. Belittling and embarrassing those reporters should have a least gotten him a few votes for Finals MVP.

Most talk show hosts are intolerable, unoriginal hacks who steal and regurgitate other hosts' material. Anchors like Stuart Scott and Jonathan Coachman make me want to light my head on fire and sit indian-style on a speargun. For Christ's sake, Jonathan Coachman was an announcer for "WWE Raw." That's professional wrestling for those of you who don't know.



Most sideline reporters are so incredibly ignorant that you can't help but mute the television. This, however, is largely the law of nature. Networks only hire hotties to do that job, and we all know that the percentage of hotties/smarties is marginal.

Even Erin Andrews, who is fairly good at her job, can't be taken seriously because everyone knows why she got the damn job in the first place.

Play-by-play announcers are largely a talented group of people. Reporters like Jeremy Schaap, Rachel Nichols, and Tom Renaldi produce great material more often than not. The entire cast of "HBO Real Sports" (minus that uber-douche Bryant Gumbel) is a dying breed. That show represents the kind of quality journalism that will be extinct in 20 years.

Every time I think of applying to another job with a TV or radio station, I can't help but become overwhelmed with a sense of guilt for not doing something more meaningful with my life. And that really pisses me off, because there was a time when you could aspire to work in this industry and not be ashamed of it.

Most of you are thinking "He's full of it. He would take a job with ESPN in a heartbeat."

You're damn right I would. It sure as hell beats working a boring 9-5 for the rest of my life.

But the bottom line is this: the sports media is largely becoming a joke and if you allow yourselves to take a step back and look at it for what it is... you might just be as embarrassed of the profession as I am.

Coaches, players, GM's and most fans no longer respect the sports journalism profession or the "professionals" that comprise it. If they can't, how can we?

Album of the Week

Since Sunday starts the new week I thought I'd toss this out there.









Notorious B.I.G. - Life After Death

This 2-disc set will keep you bumpin' on a long road trip or throughout the entire work week.

Stay tuned.

Jerry Falwell, Jr. = Hank Steinbrenner

So I'm back from VA Beach and the worst job interview known to man. The job ended up being exactly what I don't want to do with the rest of my life. So to hell with them, and to hell with taking crappy jobs just to say that you have one.

I'm essentially back to square one, but I've got something in the works. As soon as I unveil my plans, you'll be the first to know.

On another note:

Jerry Falwell Sr. is dead. Has been for some time now. But the university that he founded based on hate and divisiveness was left in the hands of his son. And Jerry Jr. continues to make the same kind of news that his father did.

Liberty will no longer recognize the school's Democrats' club as an official organization because apparently their ideals are "out of control" and can no longer be "sanctioned." Unless the Young Dems link up with a pro-life organization on campus, Falwell Jr. and his band of right reverends will continue to cleanse their theocratic fortress of evil-doers and baby killers.

I won't spend much time on this because religion and abortion discussions trigger an unrivaled repulsion in me. Certain groups use their platforms on these issues in their attempts to take over the world, and I hate it.

Liberty University is a private institution. Since he couldn't sue these bible beaters for repression of free speech, the president of the College Democrats decided to leave school and transfer to another university.

Many of you will read this and assume that I dislike christians or christianity. Not true. Although I may not be a practicing christian, I admire people of faith. It just so happens that I don't have any. And this kind of tyrannical christianity is exactly why.


Thoughts of the day:

- Did the USGA seriously think they could get away with keeping the ticket money from Thursday's opening round of the U.S. Open? The USGA sold 50,000 tickets at $150 a pop to watch the FIRST ROUND. That's $7.5 million for Thursday alone. Tiger didn't even come close to finishing his round and Phil never left the range. Professional sports organizations are having a hard enough time exploiting fans in this economy. Trying to take the money and run is a sure fire way to keep fans at home watching on TV.

- Alex Rodriguez now has a bird chest. We haven't seen a more obvious post-steroid performance since Javier Lopez. A-Rod's hitting .145 in the month of June, but hey... he's dating Kate Hudson.

- Lindsey Lohan posted a topless picture of herself on Twitter. This is just another reason for me not to use Twitter. She looks like a dusty old duffle bag full of tent poles.

Wanna hear something funny...

So my little brother thought it would be hilarious to take a couple of swipes at my chest with a beard trimmer while I was brushing my teeth. The end result was two bald racing stripes in the middle of chest.

As a result, I have shaved my chest for the first time in my natural born life. I won't elaborate but I will say this: summer isn't nearly as hot with bald chesticles. So while I still think that dudes who obsess about that sort of thing are a little iffy... I can certainly understand the appeal.

I'm leaving for Va Beach/ Norfolk here in a few hours and I'm collecting some tunes for the drive. That reminded me to list my album of the week:


Darius Rucker- Learn to Live


I'm not sure if I'll make this a regular installment or not seeing as you're all grown people who can pick out music for yourselves. However, I saw him in concert about 3 weeks back and immediately bought the album from iTunes. Aside from one or two borderline stinkers, it's a very good album... if you like country music that is.

Gotta run now. Haven't packed yet. Remember I'm headed to the 757 this evening so call me if you're there.



Thoughts of the day:

- The United States will never win a World Cup. It just won't happen. They had this conversation on ESPN radio today. All of these suburban soccer fanatics need to realize that every other country in the world sends their best athletes to international soccer competitions. We send guys that weren't big enough play football or tall enough to play basketball. That's no disrespect to what those athletes have accomplished or what they can do... but the sport just isn't a priority in this country.

- I've been saying this one for a while now. Stan Van Gundy looks like Jack Black and Danny Devito made a baby.

Book(s) of the Week

"The Rum Diary" -- Hunter S. Thompson

Many of you already like HST, I'm sure. Johnny Depp and Giovanni Ribisi are making this movie, and it comes out some time next year. It's a short read at 205 pgs., and it reads quickly and smoothly. You'll be done before you put it down.

Also check out Thompson's "The Proud Highway." It's a collection of his personal letters to friends, enemies, corporations, agencies, politicians and others from his time in the Air Force until 1967.

Manslaughter > Jaywalking...but only slightly

A quick update on what I'm doing for those of you I haven't talked to in a while. I'm currently searching for gainful employment and inhabiting my parent's basement. I only mention that second part because I now have a blog, and combining the two make it not only stereotypical but very funny...even if it's at my own expense.

I promise this blog won't be all sports. Most of you who know me know that I have a broader base than that. But for today we're going with the NFL.

So...

Donte Stallworth got 30 days in jail for killing a man with his vehicle. I almost fell off the f***ing elliptical this morning when I saw that on ESPN's bottom line. Seriously. I stopped what I was doing and audibly said "What the hell?" Every old woman in the cardio room looked at me with disgust.

Make no mistake. I really don't care how much jail time he does. In fact, my hat goes off to his attorney. This guy has just established himself as the legal equivalent of Dr. James Andrews in professional sports.

Just to put it in perspective: A friend of mine did 2 months last year for beating the ever-loving hell out of some poor bastard who grabbed his girlfriend's ass or something. Plax is about to cut a plea deal and do probably 3-6 months for pulling a Cheddar Bob. Maurice Clarett is currently on the wrong end of a 7.5 year sentence for armed robbery and concealed weapons charges. What do they all have in common? None of them killed anyone.

The ace in the hole for Stallworth's defense team was that the victim was jaywalking. I didn't know jaywalking negated manslaughter. As if it's somehow less reprehensible that Stallworth was too drunk to recognize a full-sized human being crossing the street in front of him. But his attorney somehow managed to convince 12 (supposedly) reasonable people that if the victim had been walking in a designated crossing area that Donte would have practiced his civic duty and yielded to the pedestrian. Our justice system needs a complete overhaul. Bring back the firing squad.

This first post is getting kind of long so I'll start winding down. I'll be in the 757 tomorrow evening for a final interview in VA Beach. I'm not going to post where I'm interviewing or what I'll be doing until it's all over. I want this job and I'm not going to jinx it. But cross your fingers for me, and if you're in the area then call me for drinks or dinner on Thursday evening. I'll be there through Friday morning.

Until tomorrow, I remain...

Kyle Evan Bailey


Thoughts of the day:

- The rest of the media is apparently just catching up to what Bill Maher said about President Obama spending too much time in front of the camera. I watched Maher's segment live last week, and it was hard to swallow considering I still have faith in the man... but I agree. President Obama needs to spend less time playing televised pick-up games and more time creating jobs so that I can find one. I don't want to go to grad school.

- If what counts in a person is on the inside rather than the ouside...then Nancy Grace is even more repulsive than I imagined. That woman is rotten to the core.

- Are there really people outside of Chicago who thought that Sammy Sosa was clean? A-Rod and Sosa are 2 players on a list of 104 that failed the test. By the time that list is fully disclosed (and believe me, it will be), there won't be a single active player of worth since 1990 voted into the HOF.

- If the NFL prints "Super Bowl Champions" merchandise for both teams before the big game, and they send the losing team's gear off to 3rd world countries...does Sports Illustrated manufacturer championship DVD's, commemorative balls/plaques and such ahead of time? And do they then send the losing team's stuff to 3rd world countries?